Welcome to spring (or autumn for those south of the equator) and the March edition of the Scriptorium Newsletter. However you count the beginning of spring, whether by the start of the month, by the equinox, or by natural events such as the daffodils being in flower, this is the month that we move out of the cold, dark winter months. It can still be cold, and there will probably still be sharp frosts, but at least we’re heading towards warmer weather.
There has been a lot happening in the past weeks, only some of which has anything to do with what has been going on in the Scriptorium. You won’t want to hear about the new tyres for the cart, or the load of bricks delivered by a bloke in a van so that a retaining wall can be built in the kitchen garden. Instead, we’ll crack on with the latest developments at the Priory of St Elno.
Works In Progress
The headline here is that The Scriptorium Chronicle is actually finished. This should have been a cause for wild rejoicing but in the end it was more of a slump on the desk moment. I knew that the afterword needed a re-write, which, after some thought, didn’t take that long to do. It was more a case of tweaking what was already there. Then there were a couple of entries that needed references to a now-in-disgrace-formerly-beloved-author to be revised. Again, after some thought, these were tweaked so that the joke still worked, but this time with a long-deceased-respectable-author’s name in the frame—and a bonus gag thrown in for good measure.
What followed next were two re-reads of the whole thing. The first was for tone as there were things in there that I wanted to double-check on to see if they were a) still relevant, b) still made sense, and c) were still funny. Again, some minor tweaking happened but on the whole it seemed to stand up by itself. Then there was what I hoped would be a final check for syntax and grammar. I think I’ve got everything, but the only sure-fire way to know for certain is to have the thing published and spot a glaring error on the first page you open at random.
Then came the small matter of figuring out which publisher or literary agents might be interested in taking it on. The problem here is that I don’t know exactly what The Scriptorium Chronicle is. I know what it isn’t, but that’s not helpful when you’re combing through The Writers’ & Artists’ Yearbook looking for someone to send it to. In the end I thought more about where in a book shop I would be likely to find something like it and soon discovered the term “gift book”. The thing is, I’m not sure it’s a gift book either. From a marketing point of view, these tend to be tiny books on a rack near the till that are bought on impulse. This is not The Scriptorium Chronicle. Waterstones’ website has a category for gift books which it might fit in, if you squint at it for long enough. It’s sort of an art book, except that it’s fiction. Maybe it’s some kind of adult picture-book, only there are more words than pictures. It could be a coffee-table book, but that’s not a marketing category.
So, long story short, I sent it to an agent whose blurb said that they do humour, history, graphic novels, illustrations and picture books. If I don’t hear anything back in six weeks I can take the tumbleweed blowing by to be a sign that they’re not interested. I’ve got another agent down as a possibility and a couple of publishers that might be worth a shot. If all that fails, Plan B is to go indie and self publish. I’m looking at alternatives to Amazon/KDP and am looking at one in particular that does print on demand and digital that could work. Meanwhile, The Scriptorium Chronicle is out there in the big, wide world looking for a home.
As for the other Works In Progress, The Scriptorium Cookbook is edging ever closer to the first draft being finished. I’ll qualify that by saying that the text is close to being finished as (I think) I only have another 20 or so recipes to add to the approx 130 already done. A few still need road testing to check that they make sense and are edible, or if they can be improved, how they can be improved. Then I’ll need to start to take photos of the dishes. As it is a Scriptorium thing, it will need illustrations to go with it. I don’t think it will need masses, but one for each section and probably quite a few grotesques (the funny little critters in the margins) to scatter through the text.
Work on everything else has stalled as a result of all attention going on The Scriptorium Chronicle and the Cookbook. That said, I know what I need to do to finish Pass The Duchy. There are only three chapters left of the machete edit, and two of these don’t count as they need to be re-written. Having gone back to it for the umpteenth time, I began to feel that the ending rushed at you rather than built to a grand finale. All I need now is the time to get to it.
If you remember from the January newsletter, this year’s resolutions are to Finish Things. I can tick off the Chronicle, and am soon hoping to be able to say that the Duchy is done too. Aside from the Cookbook, that will leave All Steamed Up, which I still don’t know how to re-write, and The Flipside Of Somewhen. I think all Flipside needs is a thorough editing, machete-style, so might have a crack at this when I’m done. Then I’ll have a long, good think about to tackle Steamed. As for the other ideas I have in the pipeline, well, these will just have to wait for now.
The Wildflower Meadow (formerly the Front Lawn)
Frost-locked all the winter,
Seeds, and roots, and stones of fruits,
What shall make their sap ascend
That they may put forth shoots?
Tips of tender green,
Leaf, or blade, or sheath;
Telling of the hidden life
That breaks forth underneath
—Christina Rossetti
It’s the time of year when things are slowly starting to happen in the garden. The daffs are out and the first bumblebee of the year has been spotted. Given the size, it will have been a queen, although what kind of bee it was is a mystery as it whizzed past on its way somewhere in a hurry and the scribes didn’t get a good look at it. The chances are that it was a buff-tailed bumblebee as these tend to be the first to emerge. The white heather at the edge of the wildflower meadow is in bloom, so there is something for it to feed on.
The snowdrops have been out for a while now, as have the yellow crocuses (crocii?). The scribes were beginning to despair about the purple crocuses, but these are starting to come through. They have no idea what happened to the white ones and are starting to doubt that they planted any. The Glory Of The Snow bulbs they planted have sent up shoots, but have so far not shown any sign of flowers developing. The tulips are well on their way. The bulbs the scribes found while digging a border and replanted in a container are beginning to send up shoots. They still have no idea what they are.
Back in January, the scribes found a mysterious seed about the same size as a pea in a packet of peacock orchid bulbs (Gladiolus murielae) that came from the Netherlands. Not having any idea what it was, they planted it. To date, nothing has emerged, which might be a good thing, as coming from the Netherlands it could have been anything. They did entertain the notion that it might have been a magic bean and a giant beanstalk could begin to grow, but despite the assistance of a heated propagator, this has yet to happen. Even so, they have sharpened the axe, just in case.
What The Scribes Have Been Reading And Watching
As there doesn’t seem to be much on telly at the moment and the scribes are all caught up with their film viewing, they have returned to an old favourite — Just Shoot Me!
It ran from 1997 to 2003 and getting hold of it proved a problem as it isn’t being streamed in the UK. For many years, only the first three seasons were available on DVD, and even then only in Region 1 (North America). The full series came out on DVD in 2017, but again only for Region 1. Fortunately, the scribes had some old episodes recorded on VHS tapes and after some meddling about, managed to get it on screen.
The show is set in the office of the (fictional) fashion magazine, Blush. If you think of something like Vogue, you get the idea. As you might expect, it is of its time, but despite it being over 20 years old now, the writing is still fresh, funny and original.
It begins when journalist Maya Gallo gets herself fired from her job after making the anchorwoman she’s just had a run-in with cry on air by putting gag copy on the teleprompter. Unable to find another job and facing eviction from her apartment, she reluctantly takes work at her father Jack’s fashion magazine. There she meets former model turned fashion editor, Nina Van Horn, who fears that she is taking her job; wise-guy assistant Dennis (played by David Spade); and philandering photographer Elliot.
The scribes love this show and, thinking about it, quote from it more often than they might realise as some of the one-liners are so sharp, you could cut yourself on them.
Dear Alexa,
I think I’ve asked you this before, but a friend of mine who goes to a different priory is concerned that he might be losing his memory. What should he do?
Forgetful
Dear Forgetful,
For the last time, start writing things down. If you forget where you’ve put what you’ve written down, try writing where you’ve put it on the back of your hand. I’d say use a permanent marker, but knowing how often you lot wash your hands I wouldn’t bother.
Alexa
Marbled Tea Eggs
Marbled tea eggs are really easy to make and not only look gorgeous but are also delicious. They are great as a garnish and make a glamorous addition to a picnic.
Makes 6
Prep time: 15 mins
Cook time: 45 minutes
Ready: 1 hour
Ingredients
6 eggs (if you keep them in the fridge, allow them to come up to room temperature)
1½ to 2 litres of water
3 tbsp black tea (which is about 6 tea bags)
2 tbsp dark soy sauce
1 tsp salt
1 cinnamon stick
1 star anise (optional)
Directions
1. Fill a large saucepan with the water. You want enough to cover the eggs by about a centimetre when they go in, which is not just yet. Bring the water to the boil first.
2. Gently lower the eggs into the boiling water with a spoon and turn the heat down to a simmer. Cook for 10 minutes before removing them and placing the eggs in a bowl of cold water. Do not discard the water you’ve boiled the eggs in as you will be using this again shortly.
3. Give the eggs 10 minutes or so to cool down. Take each egg in turn and gently crack each one with the back of a spoon until the whole shell is covered in a network of cracks.
4. Remember the pan you boiled the eggs in? Add the tea, soy sauce, salt, cinnamon and star anise and bring it back up to the boil. Add the eggs back into what by now will be a blackish-brown liquid and reduce the heat to a simmer. Cook for 25 minutes before turning the heat off. Let the eggs sit in the liquid to cool. Expect it to take a while.
5. Remove the eggs from the cooled liquid and carefully peel off the shells. If all has gone to plan, what you should have is a boiled egg with a beautiful marbled appearance. Either leave whole or cut into halves or quarters as a garnish.
Scribes’ Notes:
To lessen the chance of the eggs cracking when being lowered into the boiling water, take them out of the fridge, if that’s where you store them, and let them come to room temperature first.
Rather than peel the eggs once the tea liquid has cooled, they can be kept in the liquid and stored in the fridge for up to 2 days.
Mark Weaver 