January 2025

This last one—to quality—is the most important one and something the scribes are not prepared to compromise on, which is why the prior lets all the SMART stuff slide. Nobody looks at, say, the Lindisfarne Gospel and wonders what deadline they were working to or what corners had to be cut to get it finished before funding was reduced.  It takes as long as it takes to do it right, and no management consultant is going to convince them otherwise.

Works In Progress
To be honest, the past month hasn’t so much been about Works In Progress as Works In Abeyance. Life In General got in the way, as can happen over the yuletide period. That said, there is a lot in the pipeline. One of the scribes’ resolutions is to Finish Things. The list of Things To Be Finished isn’t a long one, but one that will take Time And Effort. How much exactly is a how long is a piece of string question (see VELLUM). It will take whatever it takes.

The machete edit of Pass The Duchy needs to be completed (25 chapters out of 31 are already done, and the last chapter is a short one) before I make a call on a further edit if the text is too long. Then, it will be to send it out into the big, wide world in search of an agent. After that, who knows? I’d like to give it a chance to find a traditional publisher, but given the state of publishing these days, I’m not going to hang around waiting (oh, the endless waiting). I’m already thinking of Indie publishing around a “Scriptorium” imprint using Draft2Digital (and Amazon-free print-on-demand), but we’ll see how that goes. First things first.

Then there’s The Scriptorium Chronicle, which is out for beta testing. When this comes back, there will probably be a bit of re-writing, editing, or colouring in to be done. Being something that definitely isn’t a novel and isn’t a graphic novel either, the list of possible publishers is restricted. That said, there is one I have in mind that might be worth a punt. After that, who knows? Probably the indie route again.

When, and only when, I can put a tick in the box marked “completed” for these two will I move on to All Steamed Up. Following the feedback from the Famous Literary Prize, I need to re-work the opening chapters and conduct a cull of some of the more peripheral characters. I also need to re-write the opening scene now that the Famous Writer it was parodying is now a Disgraced Famous Writer, or if not Disgraced then Highly Questionable.

There is also the matter of The Flipside of Somewhen, which also needs to be given a good editing/re-write. Whether this happens before or after All Steamed Up is pure guesswork at this point. While it may come down to the flip of a coin, I suspect deep down that I’ll do this before All Steamed Up, simply because it will take less effort. NB, “less effort” will still be a lot of effort.

The Scriptorium Cookbook will continue to expand as more recipes are included. I’m not sure this will ever be completed, but I’m aiming for completed enough by the end of the year. I suspect that photographs will be needed, so will need to start to take pictures to accompany the text if this is to head in the direction of publication. Again, who knows?

After that, well, I have a few ideas I’ve jotted down but haven’t developed. As a side project, there is a good chance that I might make a start on Mrs Pritchett’s Big Book of the Kitchen Garden. This is only a vague idea at the moment but is intended to be a practical guide to planting, growing and harvesting crops for the kitchen, plus what to do each month. Whatever else, it will have a chart showing what to sow each month and when you can expect to harvest it as I can never remember.

The Wildflower Meadow (formerly the Front Lawn)
It is the middle of winter, and while you might think there’s nothing to report about the Wildflower Meadow this month—and to be fair, there’s not a lot going on— there is something. The green shoots getting on for two inches long have braved the cold and poked through the snow and ice. The question is, what? They aren’t snowdrops (although they have started to appear elsewhere in the garden) nor crocuses. They definitely aren’t daffodils, irises or tulips and the alliums are somewhere further towards the back. After extensive research (looking at the labels of the packets of bulbs that were planted), there is a good chance that these are Glory of the Snow (Chionodoxa luciliae). Or not. Only time (or a skilled botanist or one of those plant identification apps) will tell.

What The Scribes Have Been Reading And Watching
Having watched the Netflix show Delicious in Dungeon, the scribes have been reading the graphic novels on which the show is based. The premise is simple—a party of adventurers in a mysterious Dungeons & Dragons-like dungeon suffer defeat when one of their number gets eaten by a red dragon and they are forced back to the surface.

While it may be a little too theatrical for some tastes—it seems almost Shakespearean at times—it’s worth staying with as it gets wittier and darker as it goes along. The scribes give it the thumbs up and describe it as a romp.

Dear Alexa,
A few days ago, a friend of mine who goes to a different priory might have accidentally added a bottle of syrup of figs to the batch of beer he was brewing in the mistaken belief that it would add something a little unusual to the flavour. He is now worried that the bottle might have been a few years out of date and that this will impair the quality of the brew.
Concerned Brewer

Dear Concerned Brewer,
It will definitely add something a little unusual, but the quality will be the least of your worries. You do know what syrup of figs is used for, don’t you? I’ll give you a clue: it isn’t an ingredient in the brewing of beer unless you are aiming at a very niche market. There are only two uses for syrup of figs. The first is as a purgative in the treatment of blockages, and we’re not talking drains here, although they will come into it later. The second is as a comedy device related to the first purpose.

I suggest that your friend pours this particular batch away and starts again. He can say that there was a problem with the yeast and it has spoiled, which isn’t a million miles from the truth. If your friend wants to experiment with flavours, can I suggest trying different varieties of hops? Also, please buy a new bottle of syrup of figs for the medicine cabinet.
Alexa

The World’s Best Porridge
After extensive research and testing, the scribes have come up with what they believe to be the World’s Best Porridge. Of course, this is highly subjective and the scribes are not exactly impartial in the matter. Even so, this is the sort of porridge that would have had Goldilocks set up for the rest of the day. The scribes would like to point out that if anyone tries to break into the Scriptorium, smash up their furniture and steal their food it will go very badly for that person.

Makes enough for 1 Big Scribe or 2 Medium-sized Scribes or 3-4 Little Scribes
Serves 2
Prep time: 5 mins (if that)
Cook time: 15 minutes
Ready: 20 minutes

Ingredients
3 tbsp butter
1½ tbsp coarse oatmeal
100g rolled oats
¼ to ½ tsp coarse salt. You need some but don’t overdo it
680ml boiling water

Directions
1. Take a saucepan and melt the butter over a low heat. Add the oatmeal and let it start to cook in the butter.

2. Add the rolled oats and the salt and continue to let it cook over a low heat. Stir it around and don’t let it burn. It will soon begin to smell like Mrs Pritchett is cooking oatmeal biscuits.

3. When the oats have browned and absorbed all the butter, add the boiling water. Be prepared for it to hiss and spit and send up a big cloud of steam so do this slowly and carefully. Bring back to a boil and stir vigorously. Reduce to a low to medium heat and cook for about 10 minutes, stirring from time to time to stop it sticking. Add a bit more water if it seems too thick.

Serve with a drizzle of runny honey and a slosh of cream.

If you have made too much, it keeps well in the fridge for a couple of days.

Also, if by some chance you have managed to weld the porridge to the bottom of the pan by not following these instructions, scoop out what is salvageable and fill the pan with cold water and leave to soak. It will make cleaning the pan easier.

Scribes’ Note:
As readers of The Scriptorium Chronicle will know, the Worlds.Best.Porridge can be found near Liknes, Vest-Agder, Norway (at least according to What3Words.com it can).